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Theodore Dreiser is one of the prominent American writers who managed to convey the life of the American society through his books and characters, which he created. His novels were characterized by a high degree of realism and the author often slipped to naturalism, which helped him to reflect the severe reality and dramatic transformations that took place in the American society at his epoch. In this respect, his novel “Financier” is particularly noteworthy because this book is the novel revealing the process of formation of American financial elite, the upper class which actually ruled the USA and which role is still very significant in the USA. At this point, the book written by Theodore Dreiser turns out to be prophetic since the author foresaw the growth in power of the upper class of financial and business elite which actually makes the policy, while all the rest of the society is like puppets in hands of powerful puppeteers. In such a way, “Financier” is the novel that mirrors dramatic social and economic changes that took place in the American society in the late 19th century and which the author observed in the real life. At the same time, the book is particularly noteworthy since the author disguises the demoralizing consequences of social and economic changes in the American society and dehumanization of the ruling elite which peruses self-satisfaction and prosperity, ignoring needs and interest of other people. Thus, the author depicts the picture of a new type of American elite, egoistic, indifferent and concerned with its own needs and desires.
First of all, it is important to dwell upon the historical background of the novel since “Financier” mirrors the basic trends Theodore Dreiser witnessed in the real life of the USA at the epoch. In fact, the 19th century, especially its second half was the epoch of the rapid industrialization of the USA, especially its Northern states. The industrialization had brought a tremendous progress to the USA and led the country to prosperity. On the other hand, the industrialization had a number of negative social and economic effects. The process of industrialization was naturally accompanied by the urbanization of the USA. The later led to the emergence of new problems, such as growing unemployment and crimes, which definitely contrasted to the unparalleled prosperity of the upper class of the USA. The gap between the rich and the poor had grown wider. In such a situation, the American society had started to undergo dramatic changes, when traditional values and traditions fade away, giving the way to new values and traditions. The common trend, which became mainstream at the epoch of industrialization, was the pursuit of wealth, which was closely associated with an individual’s happiness. In such a way, it is possible to speak about a dramatic shift from traditional society of colonial America to the new society of the industrialized, new and independent country.
In this respect, the main character of the novel Frank Cowperwood is a symbol of the new elite, new ruling class which represents the future of the USA since it is people like Frank Cowperwood who will rule the country and substitute traditional elite which lives its last days. Thus, the author depicts the conflict between the old and new elite of the USA, which represent the upper class of the American society. The old elite is represented by Mollenhauer, Butler, and others, while the new elite is represented by Frank Cowperwood, whose ideas and lifestyle is challenging to the traditional ideas and lifestyle, but which is apparently progressive.
The old elite lives in accordance with old traditions. Mollenhauer, Butler as well as Frank’s father and other representatives of the old elite are unable to understand Frank’s ideas and way of thinking. They are influenced by Christian ideas, traditional morale, and conservative set of values. This is why they cannot understand the frivolous lifestyle of Frank Cowperwood. The latter, in contrast, easily challenges old traditions and rules. He does not like drinking whisky and other alcohol drinks as other people get used to. He makes his business being sober and well-prepared to any complications he may face. Instead, the old elite remind a kind of a club, where people get used to make their business rather informally, while drinking whisky and taking decisions secretly.
In contrast, Cowperwood is bold but he does not like to hide from the public. He keeps his plans in secret only if it is necessary for the success of his business. He started as a soap seller, but eventually he becomes a leading financier in Philadelphia. At the beginning he was an unknown but gifted financier, but gradually he joins the Philadelphian elite and, what is more, he starts competing with representatives of the old elite. Remarkably his business develops successfully, but he views his business only as a tool to satisfy his needs and desires. He does not really care of anybody but himself. He is a representative of a new elite – he is successful and egoistic. These qualities characterized perfectly well the new elite Dreiser observed in the real life since, in the epoch of industrialization, many new, young people grew fabulously rich in a short period of time, but they neglected old traditions and norms. They ignore traditional Christian and family values. Instead, they, like Cowperwood, were concerned with the satisfaction of their current needs.
In such a way, the author depicts the new elite, which representatives believe to be the rulers of the universe who care nothing but their desires and needs. This is probably why Cowperwood easily breaks conventional norms of the Philadelphian society, which were common to the conservative part of the American society at large. He, being a married man, seduces Aileen and want to marry her after his divorce. In such a way, he is ready to abandon his wife and children for the sake of another woman, but, in fact, he wants to do it for himself because he likes Aileen and he gets used to take what he wants. This fact proves the demoralization of the new elite of the USA and the total change of traditional set of values.
Remarkably, Cowperwood loses his struggle but he is not defeated. In fact, he loses the battle, but not the war. The Chicago fire puts the end to his financial empire in Philadelphia. He is sent to prison, but eventually he is freed and he is going to move to Chicago with Aileen where he plans to start a new life. In such a way, the author attempts to show the struggle of the old and new elite. At first glance, the old elite wins, as Cowperwood is imprisoned, but he is not defeated. His opponents win nothing, while Cowperwood, being released from prison, is full of hopes and great expectations. Moreover, he did get what he wanted – he got Aileen, while wealth is apparently secondary to him since he is certain that he will easily gain fortune in Chicago.
In fact, even the location and setting of the novel is quite symbolic since Dreiser shows the great shift in the American social and economic life. He shows that Northern states (Chicago) of the USA are more prospective, while the South (Philadelphia) does not have a great future. This is why the new generation of financiers, the new elite moves northward where it has larger opportunities to outpace the old and degrading elite which stays immobile in South, which social and economic life starts stagnating.
Thus, taking into account all above mentioned, it is possible to conclude that Theodore Dreiser perfectly mirrors basic trends in the American life at the epoch of industrialization. He shows the formation of a new, ruling elite which apparently outpaces the old one. At the same time, he warns readers that the new elite is dangerous because it is too egoistic and too concerned on its own self, while old traditions and values fade away. Hence, the author depicts a dramatic shift which has changed the American society forever and which has laid the foundation to the modern American society.

Works Cited:

1. Beaugrande, Robert de. "Surprised by Syncretism: Cognition and Literary Criticism Exemplified by E. D. Hirsch, Stanley Fish, and J. Hillis Miller." Poetics 12 (1983): 83-137.
2. Bennett, Lerone. Before the Mayflower. Johnson Publishing Company, 1982.
3. Damrosch, David. What Is World Literature? Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2003.
4. Dreiser, T. Financier. New York: Penguin Classics, 2002.

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The development of effective methods of reading is crucial for the process of language learning. In actuality, it is impossible to reach the language proficiency without well-developed reading skills. At the same time, the adequate of reading skills of students is also of the utmost importance because the adequate assessment of students achievements in reading can encourage him or her substantially. In this respect the study conducted by C. Brantmeier, “Adult Second Language Reading in the USA: The Effects of Readers' Gender and Test Method”. Forum on Public Policy: A Journal of the Oxford Round Table, is particularly noteworthy. The author focused her attention on the gender and test method and their effects on students’ reading skills and their assessment. In fact, the author has found out that gender does matter in the process of testing of students reading skills. Bratmeier argues that even though the mother language of students is very important but it still cannot fully eliminate gender differences which also affect students reading skills. At the same time, it is worth mentioning the fact that men and women have differences in comprehension, which may be a function of the type of assessment. Hence, men and women can have different results if different types of assessment are used.

Learning a foreign language, as well as learning at large, is a two-ways process, which involves not only students who learn the language, but also teachers. The role of educators can hardly be underestimated, but often professional educators ignore the fact that they should analyze and assess not only the work and achievements of students but also those of their own. At this point, it is possible to refer to the study conducted by R. Dresser, “The Effects of Teacher Inquiry in the Bilingual Language Arts Classroom” in Teacher Education Quarterly. The author mainly focuses on the teacher’s professional training and work. To put it more precisely, he argues that teachers should be reflective practitioners who assess their own teaching practices as a way to improve their instructions.

The use of audio-visual technologies in the process of learning the language is widely spread in the modern classroom. At the same time, the use of audio and visual testing may be a very complicated process for students. In this respect, students need to focus their attention on testing. In such a context, the amount of time they pay to a specific test. The study conducted by E. Wagner, “Are They Watching? Test-Taker Viewing Behavior during an 12 Video Listening Test” in Language, Learning & Technology, researched the behavior of students who took listening test composed of six separate video texts. The researcher found out that the participants oriented to the video monitor 69% of their time while the video text was played.
Finally, it is important to take into consideration the cultural background of students while teaching and assessing their language competence.  L .Valli, L. and others “Initiating and Sustaining a Culture of Inquiry in a Teacher Leadership Program” in Teacher Education Quarterly, have revealed the fact that teachers should be aware of cultural background of their students and encourage culture inquiry among students. At the same time, teachers should understand that different cultural background may need different approaches to assessment since students’ reaction on one and the same assessment may differ in different cultural groups.

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Rene Descartes influenced substantially western philosophy as well as science. His philosophical views laid the foundation to many modern scientific principles. In such a context, his famous idea “cognito ergo sum” (I think than I am) was one of the main ideas that stimulated and guided the development of science based on critical rationalism. In fact, “Discourse on Method”, being one of the major works by Rene Descartes reveals his views on the method he considered to be essential in regard to scientific knowledge. To put it more precisely, Rene Descartes stood on the ground that it was important to conduct analysis on the principle of deduction and critical evaluation. In such a way, he stood on the rationalist ground and believed that the truth can be found and correct judgments can be made only on the condition of the application of his method, which was based on principles of deduction.

On analyzing the method Descartes developed in his “Discourse on Method”, it should be said that he worded in four major rules which should be applied in terms of his method. He argued that “the first rule was that I would not accept anything as true which I did not clearly know to be true” (Descartes) In such a way, he implies that, at first, it is necessary to critically assess the subject of the analysis, which cannot be taken as true for granted. Moreover, it is necessary to question whether it is true or not and admit the possibility that the subject is false as long as the researcher does not prove the contrary, i.e. that it is true. The latter researcher should know for sure.
The second rule of Descartes’ method was “to divide each difficulty which I examined into as many parts as possible and as might be possible to resolve it better” (Descartes). In fact, this is the basic principle of analysis which is widely applied in the modern science. Obviously, this idea is quite logical since the examination of parts contributes to the better understanding of the whole, especially when these parts are taken as a whole after their examination.

However, at this point, it is important to take into consideration the third rule of Descartes’ method: “to conduct my thoughts in an orderly way, beginning with the simplest objects, the ones easiest to know, so that little by little I could gradually climb right up to the knowledge of the most complex” (Descartes). Hence, he logically assumes that on dividing the subject of analysis into parts, it is necessary to examine them and start constructing the knowledge of the subject at large.
This construction is supposed to be accomplished at the final stage, when Descartes suggested to “make my calculations throughout so complete and my examination so general that I would be confident of not omitting anything” (Descartes). In such a way, Descartes suggests to accomplish analysis in generalization, when all details are taken into consideration. In such a way, he supposed to achieve objective outcomes and true results of the analysis.

Obviously, his deductive method is quite effective since it implies the logical analysis and critical evaluation of the subject of the research. Modern science successfully implements these principles which have already proved their efficiency. At the same time, it is important to remember that such a method is quite complicated to apply because subjects of analysis may vary and they can be extremely complicated, while the risk of error in the process of calculations in terms of Descartes’ method, can lead to erroneous outcomes of the entire research. Nevertheless, being properly applied this method is quite effective.
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Planning plays a very important role in the functioning of modern organizations. In this respect, it is possible to refer to the experience of the organization I am currently working at. In fact, the organization has faced a problem of the growing number of compliances which have simply overwhelmed the organization. In such a situation, the organization focused on the planning process to prevent the further growth of the number of compliances and minimize customers’ dissatisfaction.

In such a context, the strategic planning may be used effectively to plan for compliance in the contemporary business environment. In this respect, it should be said that the organization has developed strategies which can help decrease the rate of compliances and, therefore, the organization can use its funds more effectively. For instance, the organization has introduced special training programs, which taught employees to develop effective plans of their work with customers to keep them satisfied. As a result, the implementation of these programs led to the improvement of the organization’s public relations and it was possible to minimize the level of compliances. Consequently, such strategic development will affect directly the organization’s compliance planning that means that through planning it is possible to influence the organizational performance.

Thus, it is obvious that strategic planning is an important managerial function, which plays a very significant role in the functioning of organizations because it can increase the effectiveness of their performance and increase customer satisfaction.

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When people are told that they need to communicate more they often think that that is an open invitation to talk but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating.

Communicating is an art, and art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand another person’s point of view.

The number of times I have sat in a room, often in meetings and at conferences and I’ve just watched and listened to what is going on around me. It is totally fascinating when whole groups of people have no ability to listen to their colleagues, partners or friends and therefore cannot understand or comprehend any opinion other than their own.

What could have been covered in five minutes or learned in half an hour often takes hours or days just because people refuse to sit back, listen and understand.

Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if they acted upon, could totally alter a relationship, career or the success of a business. But, because the sheer lack of peoples ability to listen to and think through another persons point of view unique opportunities pass them by.

Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships, be it business or personnel are those whereby both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.

Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and under valued.

How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left? What a waste, just the sheer ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.

So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do don’t just bottle it up, talk about it, seek advice and listen to the answer. Don’t keep quiet when you know in your heart a problem has to be aired and don’t put off until tomorrow what has to be sorted today. Tomorrow never comes!!

It is how you say something that will ruin a relationship and not what you have to say. The wrong way is just to blurt out something that you know will aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, storm off or burst into floods of tears. You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive and in order to be able to achieve this, your timing and approach has to be right.

Every individual is different what will work with one person won’t necessarily work with another and with some people all you can do is sew the seed and then let them walk away and work it out for themselves.

One person I know never actually listens to anyone. She is one of those people who is always right no matter what, hasn’t a clue about being a team player and operates within a zero tolerance zone. Traditional approaches and method of reasoning just don’t work and alls you can do is plant the seed of thought which eventually develops into her, own acceptable idea.

Given peoples individuality you need to learn what, is the right approach for you and your partner. Make sure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it, don’t insist on a debate when one of you is off out to work, dealing with the kids or just relaxing in front of their favourite TV programme. If the timing seems to be never right ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’. Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight just don’t react.

Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.

One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say, interrupt and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind. One trick to ensure that you have listened and you do understand is to repeat what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have listened to what was said and by repeating it back you have the opportunity to comprehend and understand.

How often do we try and work through a problem and it’s only at the point we are explaining the issue to someone else does the magic light bulb switch on which enables us to come up with the answer.

If you are taking an exam would you expect to know everything just by being told it once? For most people I would say not. We have to work at it and work at it hard.

No one ever said marriage would be easy it’s just another lesson we have to learn as we experience life but if you want to save your marriage and make it even more special than it was before then there is very little to stop you.

Relationship problems can lay heavy on your mind, become a burden and what was originally a small issue can develop into an insurmountable mountain.

If you begin to feel that marital issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy and preferably with your partner. If you can refocus your attention of the better things in life, day to day issues always seem that much smaller. Spending a little time together and enjoying each other's company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the feelings that have been lost through constant arguing and help you regain a positive perspective on your relationship.

Just one last word of advice, when you are feeling down and feel you no longer want to save your marriage just remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If you believe you have financial issues now what do you think it will be like when you split your assets, if you feel you don’t have time to do things what will it be like when you are on your own or worse a single parent and if you feel lonely now how will you feel when every time you walk in your front door all’s you have is your own company. Now none of these thoughts have been aired to encourage you to stay in a bad relationship but rather to make you consider whether or not yours is as bad as you think.

You are the master of your own destiny and if you want to turn a bad marriage around you have the power at your fingertips.
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Weddings are that special occasion where two people come together to celebrate their love for one another. Yet, was it always this way? How did marriage come to be, and what is the meaning behind some of the many strange traditions observed today?

We assume that marriage has always been a sanctimonious tradition; however marriage was not originally about “holy matrimony” or “true love.” The original intent of marriage was to insure a safe environment for the bringing up of children, as well as the acquisition and transfer of property. Indeed it is the rather superficial “marriage of convenience” which can be viewed as the original meaning of marriage. Eventually marriage became more about love, and less about property. Throughout that time, though, numerous different traditions and superstitions have surfaced. Here are just a few of these.

In Ghana, Africa, location is everything. Women in Ghana are viewed as the life force of the tribe. After all, they were where all the great warriors and chiefs came from. Because of this, Zulu culture referred to women as “the great homes.” Because of this status, it was considered customary for the husband to be, to move to his bride’s village.

The Mande people of Africa practice clitoridectomies (female circumcision). During this time, the women are taught how to be good wives. They are also taught a special “secret” language that is only spoken by married women.

A common African tradition is “jumping over the broom.” The broom has become a symbol of the sweeping out of the old, to welcome in the new. The part about jumping over is actually of North American origin. It was from the days of slavery, when slaves were not allowed to marry. By jumping over the broom, the couple was solidifying the seriousness of their marriage.

In 1076, in Europe, it was decreed that no man should give away his daughter, or other female relative, without a priestly blessing. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t until the 16th century that priests were even required to perform wedding ceremonies. Another interesting medieval tradition: women at the time would pluck their hairlines in order to attain higher foreheads, which were considered more attractive at the time.

Conservative/Orthodox Jews have a neat tradition where the bride walks 3 to 7 times around her husband to be. This is done to signify that she is a protective wall for her husband, and that by stepping inside, their family status has changed. Ah, but what of the breaking of glass? This is done to represent the many, many tragedies that have befallen the Jewish people. It acts as a reminder of those bad times.

Interestingly, the Muslim faith doesn’t really celebrate weddings. A marriage is strictly an officious occasion. The marriage occurs inside an office, rather than a mosque. The wedding is viewed as a private civil/religious contract. The only real tradition here is that the groom must give his bride a dower to serve as insurance for her future.

Japanese (Shinto) weddings are also small and private affairs, though they are far more elaborate. Both bride and groom sip three times from three separate cups of sake. It is done to guarantee luck and happiness in the marriage.

Chinese brides are given chestnuts and jujubes. This was done with the wish of the bride to conceive a son as soon as possible. Brides wear red dresses to symbolize the color of love and joy. As we shall see further down, Europeans viewed the color red in a completely different light.

Speaking of Europeans, many Eastern orthodox ceremonies featured the placement of wreaths on the heads of both bride and groom. It was done to symbolize their place as king and queen of the heavenly kingdom of Earth.

With such a wide variety of traditions out there, it is interesting to note that two of them are almost universal among human culture: the wedding veil and the wedding ring.

The Veil

Wedding veils saw their origin among the Romans. Ancient Romans believed that women were particularly susceptible to possession by demonic spirits during weddings (perhaps they had a lot of runaway brides back then). The veil was used to “confuse” these spirits. To further help the bride out, bridesmaids were dressed in clothing similar to the bride’s. They were to act as decoys for these demons.

When Christianity took over, the veil was changed to represent chastity and modesty. This really took off in Britain during the 1800s. During some Eastern ceremonies, the groom is not allowed to remove his wife’s veil until after the ceremony. Jewish faith took the exact opposite approach. In some Jewish ceremonies, the groom first validates that the bride is his intended, before placing the veil over her face.

The Ring

Wedding rings are probably the oldest wedding traditions out there. They can be traced back over four thousand years, to the Egyptians. Ancient Egyptians would make rings out of twisted pieces of plants. The ring was meant to symbolize a love with no end. Egyptians and Romans both placed the ring on the 4th finger of the female’s left hand. This was done out of the belief that there was a vein on the 4th finger that connected directly to the heart. It was called the “vena amoris,” or “love vein.” When Christianity became the dominant religion of Europe, the vena amoris was replaced with a holy seal. Priests would take the wedding ring and touch the first three fingers of the left hand (thumb, index and middle) while reciting: “the father, the son and the holy ghost.” Upon reaching the 4th finger, the ring was placed on it to seal the marriage.

For a long while the ring went from being a symbol of endless love, to that of ownership. The Romans used it like a branding. It was worn by the husband's wife, to signify his ownership over her. Two thousand years ago, in Asia, this ownership concept was taken to a new level with "puzzle rings." These were rings that were worn by brides as a sign of loyalty. If a bride were to take her puzzle ring off, it would fall to pieces. These pieces could then only be put back together by knowing the solution to the puzzle.

So what of the history of other common wedding traditions?

One interesting tradition is the presence of a flower on the buttonhole of the groom. The flower matches one of the flowers in the bride’s bouquet. This was a holdover from medieval times, when a knight would wear his lady’s colours in order to signify his love for her. I suppose that means that in one small way, chivalry isn’t dead.

Then we have the confetti. Prior to being paper, confetti was originally a mix of
rose petals, rice and grain. Before that, it consisted of various sweets which were thrown over the couples as they emerged from the church. It originated in Italy. In fact, confetti is Italian for: candy.

Finally, what “history of weddings” article would be complete, without a brief rundown of some popular wedding superstitions?

The day that a wedding took place, was considered to be vitally important. As such, a little rhyme was concocted to allow future couples to pick the appropriate days for their marriage.

Monday for wealth
Tuesday for health
Wednesday the best day of all
Thursday for losses
Friday for crosses
Saturday for no luck at all

Then there was the month. Depending on what month one was married in, one’s marriage could be glorious or tragic. By far the worst month of all, was May. This was due to the historic pagan belief that May was the start of summer. This was celebrated by the festival of Beltane (commonly called May Day, now). As part of the festival, couples were encouraged to have outdoor orgies to bless the crops and the Earth. Because of this, it was considered a bad month for a newly monogamous couple to marry. The best month of all, for marriage, was June. This was because June was named after the Roman goddess of love: Juno. Interestingly, June is now the second most popular month for marriages. August has recently taken over the top spot for weddings.

Next we come to the bridal dress itself. While most brides today marry in white (which symbolizes maidenhood), the tradition is only as old as the 16th century. Prior to that, brides chose whatever colour dress they would like. There was a general rule of thumb though.

Married in White, you have chosen right,
Married in Blue, your love will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Brown, you will live in a town,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Pink, your spirit will sink,
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back.

Green dresses were viewed as being a sign of promiscuity. This lead to the old saying that a woman “has a green gown.” This was meant to signify that she was rolling around in grassy fields. Back then, only Irish women were considered “okay” in a green bridal gown.

Last, but not least, we have the classic wedding rhyme: Something old, something new. It started back in Victorian times, but what does it mean?

Something old: This represents the friends of the couple and the hopes that they will remain friends throughout the marriage. This was traditionally represented by an old garter which would be given to the bride to be, by a happily married woman. It was done in the hope that the happiness would be passed onto the new couple.

Something new: The happy and prosperous future of the newlyweds.

Something borrowed: This is something lent by the bride’s family. It is often an item that is highly valued, and that the bride must return after the wedding in order to ensure good luck.

Something blue: This is an Israelite tradition. The bride would wear a blue ribbon in her hair to symbolize fidelity.

There is one more part to the rhyme that is often omitted:

And a silver sixpence in your shoe: The placement of money in the bride’s shoe was done to ensure wealth and prosperity in the lives of the new couple. For some reason or another, this portion of the tradition doesn’t appear as popular. Perhaps that is why so many couples run into money problems?

So, when you are consulting the “Ms. Manners” of wedding etiquette, remember, it’s mostly just folk lore. Just be sure to bring the ring.

Issues that arise in marriages can be very complicated. Few issues are simple.

There are, however some very simple ways to keep your relationship positive and help you work your way through a lot of difficult situations.

Use these 7 tips to help you continue to nurture a positive relationship.

1. If you want your marriage healthy and positive, you have to really want to keep it that way. You have to decide that the marriage is important in your life and give it the time and attention it needs. Ask yourself daily, “Am I spending enough time and energy on the relationship?”

2. Focus on what you like and love about your spouse. Forget the negatives. We truly do get more of what we focus on. If you are having problems, begin focusing on the positive in your relationship and not the negative.

Most importantly, stop when you start to criticize your spouse. Turn your thinking to what you like about them and begin to see how your marriage gets better.

3. Kindness matters in marriages. Be kind. Very often, people in relationships treat the people closest to them worse than they treat acquaintances or even total strangers.

Go the extra step first. This week, do something kind for your spouse that you wouldn't normally do and without expectation of anything in return.

4. Show appreciation for your spouse. Make a habit of expressing appreciation. If you do, you'll find your marriage to be filled with much more happiness and joy. It might be something as simple as "I like your smile" or "Thank you for cooking dinner last night."

5. Ask for what you want. Most people expect the people who are in relationship with them to be mind readers. If you're expecting others to be psychics, you're in for a painful ride if you're in relationship with them. If you want your needs to be met, you have to tell people what these needs are.

6. Listen without judging or getting defensive. Be open to the possibility that someone else's opinion or way of doing things may be just as valid or important as yours.

Just because their way is different, doesn't make them or you wrong. If you're constantly judging, being defensive and building walls, you're not open to possibilities and to the love that is possible between two people.

7. Be willing to risk opening your heart and letting your spouse in. We can be in a relationship for many years and still not allow another person to penetrate our walls of protection. If you want to have a marriage that is alive and growing, being willing to risk is a prerequisite.

While these steps will not solve every issue they do lay the groundwork for a strong and healthy relationship.

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